The New Reality

I accepted the 4th grade sub job late Sunday night, momentarily forgetting what had happened on Friday.  On Monday morning the realization struck, and for a second I thought about cancelling.  I didn't want to face a room of children who might have questions.  What do I know?  What could I say?

But then, sadly, I realized that if there were questions, I'd probably be better equiped to answer them than a recent college grad who might get assigned the sub job if I cancelled.  I've never had to answer questions about twenty kindergarteners dying in their classrooms, but I've answered questions about similar slaughters in other schools.  And malls.  And churches.  And movie theaters.

I don't know what's happening in America.  All I know is that things have changed since I first walked into a classroom in 1997.  Even before Friday, safety has been on my mind as a sub.  Every day I'm in a different classroom, and honestly I often look around and wonder about the what-ifs.  We used to do fire drills and tornado drills -- now schools do lockdown drills.  When I did a long-term sub job this fall, we had both an external lockdown drill and an internal lockdown drill. For the first, the teacher simply locked the door and kept teaching, but for the internal drill, everyone had to crouch and huddle in the back of the room, absolutely silent in the dark.  You can't help but do a mental replay of all the school shootings you've heard about over the last fifteen years.  What if, what if, what if . . .

I don't know what the answer is.  For four days now we've been ambushed with a wide range of opinions on everything from gun control to mental health to religious revival.  And school safety.  So many opinions.  Do I want to walk through a metal detector every morning as I come into school?  Get patted down like I do at the airport?  Get trained in how to use a gun so I can defend a classroom?  I don't know.  I don't know if anything will keep evil out.

All I know is that when I was a fourth grader, my biggest worry was whether or not I'd get invited to someone's birthday party.  Maybe I got anxious about tests or wondered if the boy I liked didn't like me back because I wore glasses.  But never in my wildest dreams did I enter my classroom with a quivering lower lip and teary eyes, trying to put on a brave face while secretly wondering if today would be the day someone would come into my classroom and start shooting. Never.  And I am so sad that this is the new reality for kids.

52 New Things

While we were in Miami a couple of weeks ago, I got a little bummed when I realized we have no other trips on our horizon.  India and Miami were both pretty inexpensive since they were connected to Kevin's work, but now we've got to focus on saving more than spending.  I did one of those deep, woe-is-me sighs, thinking I had nothing to look forward to . . . and then we drove past a cemetery.

I know cemeteries creep some people out, but I've never really felt that way.  Cemeteries, to me, are always a good wake-up call.  Everyone lying under the ground in a cemetery was once a living, breathing person.  They may have had a lot of years or not enough.  They might have died full of happiness or full of regret.  I don't know all their stories, but I do know the story of one person who will join them one day.  I'm writing that story every day.  Every day, I have options.  Choices.  Decisions.  Altogether, they add up, and one day I'll either go to the grave feeling blessed or bitter.  It's my choice.

So as we cruised through Miami, I wondered why I'd let the lack of vacation plans get me down.  Why live from vacation to vacation?  Shouldn't life itself be an adventure?  Why settle for the mundane?  I decided my New Year's Resolution for 2013 would be to do something new every day.  Live it up.

In the two weeks since then, I've rethought that a bit.  A new thing every day isn't going to work.  For one thing, this Carpe Diem idea isn't new to me.  I've kind of been living it up for most of my life and done a lot of stuff.  To try to come up with 365 new things to do would be a lot of work.  And second, who has time for that?  I mean, if I'm focusing on positivity and living life to the fullest, I don't want my goal to become a burden.

So I've modified my plan a little.  One new thing every week in 2013.

That's still 52 new things, though, and when I brainstormed a bit yesterday, I could only come up with 31 ideas.  Can you help me out?  Is there something you've done that I should try?  Or something you've always wanted to do that we could try together?  Keep in mind that we're not made of money, so while "vacation in Fiji" sounds awesome, it's not going to make the cut.

Here are some ideas to get you started:

• make creme brulee with one of those torch thingies
• learn to drive a tractor (I know! I'm a farm girl and I don't already know this?  Come on!)
• drink a cup of coffee (I'm throwing up in my mouth a little just imagining it.) 
• try ski blades
• eat something I grew myself

So . . . nothing earth shattering, really, but things that will be outside my normal day-to-day operations and stretch me a little mentally (and sometimes physically).  I'm looking forward to your suggestions!!