Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Unconditional Love (for the most part)

Since getting engaged & married, Kevin & I have had several conversations about how crazy this unconditional love thing is . . . as in, you know not just the good in me, but the bad stuff, too, and somehow you can get past that and still love me.  It's pretty amazing to find someone like that.

Not that it's easy all the time.  Kevin tends to be a bit messy, and I tend to put his shoes in the closet, his keys on the key rack, his hairbrush in the cabinet, etc.  I get annoyed that he leaves crap everywhere.  He gets annoyed that I'm OCD about it.  But we still think the other is pretty awesome overall.

Here's something I've learned, though, in our two short months of marriage.  Even if he loves me unconditionally, if I want to hear "you're beautiful" or "you look so pretty" or some variation on my appearance being appealing, I must shower.

I never thought I'd slide so quickly into, "He loves me, therefore I can look any way I want."  I mean, I always thought women who went from long, flowing hair to a pixie cut a month after the wedding were kind of pulling a bait-and-switch on their men.  Or the friend who said, "Dye your hair to cover the grays until you're married.  Then you can let it go natural."  That seemed wrong, too.  I mean, just because you get hitched doesn't mean you should stop caring about your appearance, right?  Right!

See?  I'm not the only one who goes with the natural look sometimes.

So imagine my shock when, a month into our marriage, Kevin made a comment along the lines of, "You're wearing those sweatpants today . . . again?"

Sigh.

It just happened so easily.  I mean, here I am, no job, no friends nearby, and not much to do.  These capri sweats are super comfy, perfect for sitting around the house doing nothing.

And since we're renting a cheap apartment until we decide where we want to live, I have to carry laundry outside, around the building, and down a flight of stairs to get to the washing machine.  It's not like the capri sweats get dirty while I'm sitting around the apartment reading a book, so why increase the amount of laundry I have to do when I could wear them another day?  Or a third day?  I'm being resourceful.  Right?  Somebody back me up.

And although he never says anything about my ponytails or buns, I'm not stupid.  When I shower and blow out my hair, he says, "You're so pretty!"  When he comes home and sees a messy up-do, I'm sure he still loves me . . . but I can't expect compliments.

I figure things will get better once school starts.  I always shower before going out in public, so he'll have a wife who looks like the woman he dated again.

Until then, I get a few more days in my capri sweats, T's, and ponytails.  Sorry 'bout the bait-and-switch, Babe.  Didn't mean to let it happen, but now that you've seen me like this . . . well, you still love me, right?



Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Garbage Truck Stalking

Wednesday.

Garbage day.

No big deal, right? 

Not this summer.  On garbage day, I turn into a crazy woman.

See, when we moved here to La Crescent, we were given two green recycling bins.  We threw recyclable stuff in there and garbage in a garbage bag.  On garbage day, we put it all out.

And the garbage man threw it all in the same bin.

It reminded me of the time my friend Russ and I sat in a meeting at the Synod office.  It was obviously garbage day, because while we sat facing the windows looking out at the alley, we watched employees from all the businesses housed inside the building take out recycling and garbage, dumping them into the appropriately labeled twin dumpsters outside the window.

That afternoon, the garbage truck rolled in.  It shoved its two prongs under the garbage dumpster, hoisted it up, and dumped the contents into the back.  Then - beep, beep, beep -- it backed up . . . and then did the exact same thing with the recycling dumpster.

Russ and I looked at each other -- one of those, "Did you just see what I just saw?" looks.  The recycling dumpster was clearly marked with big recycling labels.  One poor woman had struggled that morning to lift an obviously heavy box of paper up to dump it in.  All that work and everything went into the same dumpster?

So that's kind of what I was thinking as I saw the garbage man throw everything into the same bin.  Seriously?  I separated that stuff for a reason, dude!

(And yes, I've had a lot of time on my hands this summer.  Plenty of time to stalk the garbage man.)

The next week I tried to be more obvious.  Living in an apartment, garbage from six apartments gets set on the curb on Wednesdays, so I set my garbage by everyone else's and then put the recycling bin three feet away.

When the truck pulled up in front of the apartment building that afternoon, I spied on him through my blinds.  All the neighbors garbage went in . . . our garbage went in . . . and then my recyclables went in.  Everything in the same bin once again.  What the heck?

The next week was the same except one of the green bins got dumped into a separate bin.  Gasp!  Someone broke the recycling secret code!  What was I doing wrong?

I missed a week of stalking, so I don't know what happened that time.

The next week, I super-sorted.  I went above and beyond.  I put plastics in one bag, paper in another, and glass in another.  I didn't put out the green bin at all, but lined up my three bags, three feet away from the garbage bags.

Success!  My little bags were emptied into a separate bin from the general garbage bin!

I wasn't super fond of the system, though.  Our kitchen is pretty small.  How was I going to keep up this four-bag system?

A month into my garbage/recycling debacle, the game changed.  Same truck . . . different garbage man.  He looked through the vast collection on the curb, threw some of it in the bin, and left most of it behind.

Say what?

I thought maybe this guy was more serious about recycling.  Maybe he separated things better and another truck would be coming later for the rest?

Nope.  Twenty-four hours later, four garbage bags were still sitting on the curb.

I looked up the city's number on the internet and gave "the man" a ringy-dingy.

I explained the situation.  I got told to call someone else.  I called that person.  They said to call someone else.  Finally the third person seemed interested in helping.

"What kind of garbage bags did you use?" she asked.

That seemed like an odd question.  I felt a brief pang of wrongdoing.  I was using generic, store-brand garbage bags.  Had they been deemed not strong enough?  The woman on the phone continued before I got a chance to say more.

"Were you using City of La Crescent garbage bags?" she pressed.

Uh, what?

"The city has garbage bags?" I asked.

"You can buy them at the grocery store, or the gas station, or the recycling center," she said.  "No bags of trash get picked up unless they're city bags."

"Well, for a month I've been putting our garbage out in non-city bags and they got taken," I tried to explain.

"Well, unless they're in city garbage bags, they're not supposed to be picked up," she said.

"What about recycling?"

"Recycling goes in the green bins.  Do you have one?"

"We have two!  But the garbage man usually dumps everything in the same bin.  He only took it when I sorted everything out in separate bags."

"Well you don't have to do that," she said.  "You have to put your paper and cardboard into a paper bag, but all other recyclables can go in the green bins."

Ah, there was my problem.  I'd thrown it all in the bin together before my multi-bag experiment.

I sent Kevin to the gas station to get the special bags.  $30 for 30 bags.  We filled 'em up with the garbage that had been left behind the week before.  Well, the two bags that were ours.  The others sat on the curb the entire week.

The next week I set out the green bin of plastics, tin, and glass.  I set out the bag of paper.  Finally, I set out our new City of La Crescent garbage bags.

I considered going around to each apartment in our building and explaining the system, not wanting everyone's garbage to be rejected again.

And I was feeling a little smug, finally knowing the system.

And then the first garbage man came by and took everything, city bag or no city bag.

Seriously?

Well, at least he put my recyclables in separate bins from the garbage.

So every week on Wednesday, when I hear anything that sounds like a garbage truck, I jump up and run to the front window.  Every week the guy takes everything, city bag or no city bag.  I don't get it.

And I know I'm neurotic.

But I guess as long as they take our garbage, that's the important thing, right?



Friday, August 17, 2012

Demo Derby Drama

Kevin and I have gotten into a rut.  Yes, already.  Our weekday evenings generally consist of three elements: dinner, light exercise, and mindless DVD screening.  He'd never seen all three seasons of Arrested Development, so I checked them out at the library.  Every night for the past month, we've eaten dinner, gone for a bike ride or a walk, and then watched a few episodes.  Boring, I know.

So when I saw that the Houston County Fair was going on, I announced we were going.  We set out last night for the half hour drive down to Caledonia and toured the exhibit halls, petting zoo, livestock barns, and tractor displays, all within about an hour.  We ate corn dogs and sweet potato fries, then joined the rest of the county at what was obviously the main event of the night: the demolition derby!

Kevin, taking in the scene, quickly realized that he was the only person there wearing Birkenstocks.  ("Hippie," I chided.)  The stands were packed.  People were climbing over each other and splitting their families into three rows just to find a place for everyone. 

"This is a great model of intergenerationalism," Kevin noted, taking in the kids, teens, adults, and senior citizens surrounding us.  I rolled my eyes.  If he thought wearing Birkenstocks made him stand out from the rest of the crowd, using the word "intergenerationalism" wasn't going to help any.

Engines revved and in came the first round of cars.

"Wanna make a wager?" I asked.

"Money?"

"No, I was thinking that if the car I pick wins, you unload the dishwasher for once," I replied.

"Ugh."

"What do you want if your car wins?"

"A massage," Kevin said.  "No wait, a foot massage!"

"Gross."

"That's what I want."

"Fine," I pouted, "but you'll have to wear socks.  I'm not touching your feet.  And clean socks.  Fresh out of the drawer."

"Deal."

So off the cars went, slamming into each other and making the crowd roar.  I was alternately laughing and wincing.  I couldn't remember the last time I'd been to a demo derby.  High school?

Neither of our cars won the first round.  I was shocked, though, when the winners came up to get their trophies -- they were old guys!  The first round had been the 50 & older competition.  Holy crap!  Here I thought only crazy 20-something men were wild enough to ram their cars into each other.  Nope!  They were all smiling like kids in a candy store.

The next round we changed the rules of our wager a little bit.  If neither of our cars had won in the first round, when there were only six cars, it wasn't likely either of us were going to win round two.  It was the "compact" division, and there were a lot of cars in that tiny space.  We decided that whoever outlasted the other would be the winner.

I chose the car I called "Pretty in Pink."  It was the only pink one.  Kevin chose a little green one.  I was pretty confident in my guy at first.  He was like a little spider monkey out there, speeding around and slamming into people.  But then his car died or something.  He just sat there, banging his wheel with his hands.  I refocused my attention on Kevin's car.  That guy wasn't as fast as my guy had been, but he seemed to be doing well for himself.  There were crashes all over the place, and more and more cars were dying.  About half were still ramming each other in the midst of all the junkers when I noticed one was smoking.

And then it burst into flames.

The whole crowd gasped.  Men who'd been standing closest to the action jumped over the wall and tried to get to the car.  The fire spread to the dry grass around it, and the men hoping to rescue the driver got pushed back by the flames.  Firefighters came running with a hose . . . and a trickle of water came out.  They signaled for the men at the truck to give them more pressure.  The men closest to the car were screaming and signaling at the fire truck.  More water!  More water!  The guys at the truck were trying, but nothing seemed to be coming out.  People in the stands were screaming.  More men jumped out of the stands and went running to the car on fire with the driver still in it.

Oh God, Oh God, Oh God, Oh God . . . the spirit intercedes for us, right?  Words weren't coming.  I looked over at Kevin.  His head was in his hand, eyes squeezed tightly shut.  I hoped he was finding the words I wasn't.

The announcer made a crack about it being hotter than a jalepeno out there.  I was surprised no one threw a beer bottle at his head.  Really?  This was not the time.

I never saw how, but somehow the driver was on the ground, surrounded by firefighters.  Fire extinguishers were produced to do the job the hose couldn't seem to.  The little girl behind us was whimpering, worried and confused.  Her mom told her not to worry.  Kevin shook his head at me.

Burning alive.  I can't think of a worse way to die.

Everyone sat there, stunned.  The crazy, rowdy atmosphere two minutes ago had completely deflated.  I felt like throwing up.  All I'd wanted was to get us out of the apartment for the night, to break us out of our dull routine, and I'd brought my husband here for us to witness a man die.

And then there he was.  The driver.  Walking himself over to the ambulance.

The crowd gasped again.  Then they cheered.  How did this man get out alive, let alone well enough to walk away?

"I think I'm going to throw up," I announced.

"I need a beer," Kevin said.  He looked shellshocked.

"Get me something fruity and strong," I replied.

After they brought in another fire truck and hosed down the arena, they finished the round.  The next round was trucks, and my pick outlasted Kevin's, but it just wasn't really fun anymore after what we'd seen.  At one point I jumped and yelled because I saw flames . . . but they were supposed to be coming out of the smoke pipes on the truck.

My nerves were shot.  I suggested we go home.

Walking to the car, I asked Kevin if he wanted a foot massage when we got home, or if he wanted our wins to cancel each other out so he didn't have to empty the dishwasher.

"Cancel each other," he immediately shot back.  Worked for me.  I'll take emptying the dishwasher over touching his gross feet any day.

All in all, stressful night.  I searced the web this morning, trying to find an update on the guy, but nothing.  I still feel sick to my stomach just thinking about it.  We just wanted to join in the redneck fun . . . I hadn't planned on developing an ulcer!!



Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Recipes Galore

I've been doing LOTS of cooking and baking lately, and I've promised recipes to several people.  Rather than type 'em all out in individual emails, I thought I'd just share them here in case other people are interested in trying something new.  :)

First up, Chocolate Chip Cookies.  I've been making these since elementary school, and I found a new fan in my new niece Emma!  She tried them for the first time about a month ago and I was afraid she'd throw up from eating so many of them!  She requested them again when we met up at the cabin this weekend.  Last time I used almond flavoring and this time I went with vanilla.  I don't think she noticed the difference, which leads me to believe she would probably accept any chocolate chip cookie I offered!  :)  My mom perfected the recipe before passing it on to me, so I'll credit her.

Judy's Classic Chocolate Chip Cookies

Ingredients:
1 C butter
1/2 C sugar
1 C brown sugar
2 eggs
1 t. vanilla or almond flavoring
2 1/2 C flour
1/2 t salt
1 t. baking soda
12 oz pkg chocolate chips (I like milk chocolate!)

Cream together butter, sugars, eggs, and flavoring.  In another bowl, combine flour, salt, baking soda; blend into creamed mixture.  Stir in chocolate chips

Drop by teaspoonful onto greased baking sheet.  Bake at 350 degrees for 10 minutes. 

Makes 3-4 dozen cookies.


Next up, a tasty little treat I made this weekend.  I got the recipe at Camp Elim in Colorado, and it's a pretty amazing breakfast treat.  It says to serve it with maple syrup, but we ate it just the way it was -- the toffee pieces and cream cheese were all the "syrup" we needed!

Toffee Apple French Toast

Ingredients:
8 C French bread, cut into 1" cubes
2 medium Granny Smith apples
8oz cream cheese, softened
3/4 C brown sugar
1/2 C sugar, divided
1 3/4 C milk, divided
2 t. vanilla, divided
2 t. cinnamon, divided
1/2 C English toffee bits
5 eggs

Place half of the bread chunks in a greased 9x13 pan.  Top with apples.  In a separate bowl, mix cream cheese, brown sugar, 1/4 C sugar, 1/4 C milk, 1 t. vanilla, and 1 t. cinnamon until smooth.  Spread over apples.  Sprinkle with toffee bits.  Top with remaining bread chunks.

In another bowl, beat the eggs and 1 1/2 C milk, then add 1 t. vanilla, 1 t. cinnamon, and 1/4 C sugar.  Pour over the bread.  Cover and refrigerate overnight.

Remove from refrigerator 30 minutes before baking.  Bake uncovered at 325 degrees for 45-60 minutes or until a knife comes out clean.  Serve with warm maple syrup.

Serves 8.


If you would have told me five years ago that squash would become one of my favorite summer foods, I would have thought you were crazy.  Lo and behold, I've overcome my fear of trying new foods and now pick up squash every week at the farmer's market.  Here are a couple of my favorite recipes for using squash.

Chicken Tortilla Soup

Ingredients:
4 corn tortillas, halved, then cut in narrow strips
2 cans (14.5oz each) chicken broth
1 medium zucchini, cut in 3/4in-thick rounds
1 medium yellow summer squash, cut in 3/4in-thick rounds
1/2 t. minced garlic
1/2 t. ground cumin
1 C corn
16oz can red kidney beans, rinsed
1 1/2  C shredded cooked chicken
1 large ripe tomato, cut into 1in chunks
1/4 C chopped cilantro

Coat a 5 or 6 quart pot with nonstick spray.  Heat over medium.  Add tortilla strips and cook 5 minutes, turning occasionally, until lightly toasted.  Remove to a plate.  Add broth, zucchini, squash, garlic, and cumin to pot.  Bring to a boil.  Reduce heat, cover, and simmer 3 minutes or until squash is crisp-tender.

Stir in corn and beans; continue to simmer 2 minutes.  Stir in remaining ingredients.  Heat through.  Top with tortilla strips.

Serves 4.

Colorful Veggie Coins

Ingredients:
4 medium carrots, thinly sliced
2 medium yellow summer squash, sliced
2 medium zucchini, sliced
2 garlic cloves, minced
4 T butter, divided
1 C chicken broth
1 t. salt
1/2 t. pepper

Place veggies in a shallow 3-qt. baking dish.  In a small saucepan, saute garlic in 2 T butter for 2-3 minutes.  Stir in the broth, salt & pepper.  Pour over vegetables; dot with remaining butter.  Cover and bake at 350 degrees for 50 minutes or until vegetables are tender.

Yield: 8 servings

Friday, August 10, 2012

Critics Needed!

Imagine you are a big-time agent off in publishing land.  You get 300 emails a day from aspiring authors who want you to represent them and find them a book deal.  Would this letter intrigue you?

Seriously.  Be harsh.  This is no time for "oh, you're so great" -- tell me where I lose your interest or what you'd recommend to make it stand out more.


August 10, 2012

Dear Ms. Sherman,

$5000.  A car named Cherry Cherry.  A sarcastic thirty-five year old woman.  A date in every state.  A diamond ring at the end of the road.  This, in a nutshell, is Fifty Dates in Fifty States: a Rocky Road Trip in Search of Love and Adventure.

I’d done a fair amount of traveling in the past, including volunteering at an orphanage in Ghana and hiking the Inca Trail to Machu Picchu in Peru.  I had not, however, seen much of my own country.  It was time to remedy that.  And since I hadn’t found the man of my dreams by my mid-thirties, I figured it wouldn’t hurt to open up the dating pool, either.

The end result is this: a fifty-chapter memoir highlighting the unique dates I went on around the country, such as skydiving in Vermont, swimming with dolphins in Hawaii, and kayaking around icebergs in Alaska, plus snicker-inducing tales from my cross-country adventure, including being terrorized by a raccoon in a Florida campground, resisting the urge to punch a bitchy German tourist in NYC, and trying to convince a woman in North Carolina that I did not need to be rescued from an abusive relationship, but had, in fact, just gotten a particularly bad facial.  The icing on the cake?  I ended up marrying one of those fifty dates.

Every woman in America had a look of envy in her eye when I explained the dating part of my project; every man I met wanted to quit his job and road trip around the country, too. I hope you’ll be as intrigued as they were!  Thank you so much for taking time to read my query, and please let me know if I can send sample pages.

Sincerely,

Me and my contact info, yadayadayada

Rip away.  Constructive criticism over cheerleading!!

Zombie Zumba

I blame Katie for all my Zumba woes.  She teaches Zumba at the Y back in Dubuque -- funky, fun, heart rate-elevating classes that I LOVED.  I credit those classes for my ten-pound weight drop before the wedding.  (Well, that and starvation, but as far as exercise goes . . .)  So yeah, it’s natural that every Zumba class I’ve taken since then has been a letdown.

I signed up for a new class this week in my little town.  I don’t think I’m going to benefit physically from this one, but it was rather entertaining.  When the teacher resembles Al from Happy Days, you realize you’re probably not in for the fitness experience of a lifetime.  Here's the entertaining part, though -- if I had only one word to describe the teacher, it would be this: flamboyant.

We started out with an oldie for the warm-up.  We marched side to side, shaking our fingers at imaginary men, like, “Oh, no you di-int!!”  I was puzzled, because it wasn’t very Zumba-like.  It seemed like a routine he may have copied from that Richard Simmon’s classic, Sweating to the Oldies.  The third song was in Spanish, so I thought, hey, here we go.  But nope.  Next was a song by Britney Spears and then -- I kid you not -- “Fergalicous.”

I was laughing at this point, trying to be a good sport in this completely non-Zumba-esque Zumba class.  He didn’t have an iPod playlist, or even a CD with the music for the night on it.  He would walk over to his CD player after each song, put in a new CD, then play the first three measures of every song until he found a track he liked.  So much for keeping up that heart rate.

The highlight of the evening, though, was a song from the GLEE soundtrack.  Seriously.  GLEE.  In Zumba.  It was a mashup of “Off With Your Head” and “Thriller.”  The teacher was having the time of his life, dancing around.  We did the “Thriller” walk, which you would totally expect, but then probably two-thirds of the way through the song, he started doing this move than I wish I could have gotten on film for you, dear reader.  It was kind of a squatting, high-kneed walk, combined with arm moves that looked like you were brushing vines out of your way as you walked through the jungle.  Got the mental picture?  Good.  Now picture the flamboyant fat man doing this move as he yells, “Stomp over those dead zombies, ladies!”

I did.  I stomped right over those imaginary dead zombies.  Because you know what looks sillier than stomping over imaginary dead zombies?  Standing there, refusing to do it, while all the other women are stepping over imaginary dead zombies.

But the best part?  It’s in a school gym with no mirrors, so no women are seducing themselves during this one.  Small victories.

Thursday, August 2, 2012

Not me.  Random baritone player from internet-land.
Q: How do you get in touch with a baritone player?
A: Eu-phone-ium.


As I've told you ten times now (sick of hearing about it yet?), I've been a little bit bored and looking for things to do in my new town.  Things to entertain me.  Things to make myself useful.  Things to give me a reason to get out of my pajamas before four o'clock in the afternoon, which I may or may not have done one day this week.  (And by may or may not, I mean I definitely did . . . but I got a few items checked off my to-do list whilst in said jammies, so it's okay, right?  And I was showered and dressed by the time Delecta Daddy got home from work, so no one even noticed . . . )

Looking for options, I picked up a copy of the La Crescent Community Education booklet to see what I could try.  They offered all kinds of things this summer from computer courses to Zumba dancing.  They also advertised their (free, and thus most attractive) community band.

I was a pretty good baritone player in high school.  And by pretty good, I mean I grew up in a small town where there were no such thing as tryouts.  If you showed up, you were in the band.  I wish I had a picture to share -- the baritone was almost as big as me.

So anyway, I showed up for practice one night, thinking it would be like the community band in the little town where I grew up.

Uh, no.  These La Crescent Community Band people are serious.  I took one look at the music and went, oh crap, I am in way over my head.

Granted I hadn't picked up a horn in twenty years, so I was bound to be a little rusty, but one page of music had so many notes on it that I was instantly intimidated.  And I was pretty sure I didn't know how to play some of those high notes and low notes even when I was playing every day in high school band.  When did the baritone range double??  Yowza.

The other thing that became clear very quickly?  I wasn't likely to improve my social scene with this group.  I'd say it's about 1/3 high schoolers and 2/3 retirees.  Bummer.

But here's the thing: as we played a song that had "Tis a Gift to be Simple" incorporated throughout it, I got teary eyed.  You'll laugh if you were never in band, but if you were, I think you'll understand.  There's something about adding your line to everyone else's and creating this beautiful noise . . . you just feel like you're a part of something amazing, so I decided to stick with it, even if I did play only a quarter of the written music while the old man beside me hit everything I missed.

Turns out I really am an amazing baritone player, and here's why: I know when NOT to play.  Examples: that note's too high, that note's too low, that's a sharp I don't remember the fingering to, that measure has too many notes in it, etc.  Why pressure myself to be amazing?  Heck, it's community band playing in the park, not professionals playing in a concert hall.  It's supposed to be FUN.

And geekily enough, I had fun.  And you know what?  A lot of stuff came back to me in the past month, practicing alone or playing with everyone else.  Tonight while warming up I even busted out a riff from a piece we played back in high school.  I don't know if it was muscle memory or what, but bap-bap-bap-ba-da-bah . . . out came this run from somewhere deep in my brain.  Who knew it was still in there?

Oh, and a little old lady totally validated my existence as we packed up our horns.
Her: Did you have a busy day today?
Me: Well, I ordered all of my wedding pictures, so it was nice to get that done . . .
Her: Oh, did you just get married?
Me: Yep, in June.  And then this afternoon I baked cookies.
Her: Oh, then you DID have a busy day!

We'll go with that.  And I even changed out of my pajamas before I started baking!  Whoohoo!