Too Legit to Quit

There's a reason I still own a VCR.

I still have all the classics -- Pretty in Pink, The Princess Bride, Dirty Dancing, etc. -- on VHS, so if I threw out my VCR, how would I watch them?

I know what you're thinking: enter the new era of technology, Tiffany!  You're two trends behind!

I probably wouldn't even have a DVD player if it hadn't been given to me as a gift.  I hate the idea of throwing out and replacing my stuff just because someone came up with something "better."  If I had replaced my VHS collection with DVDs, then I would have had to throw all of them out and replace them with Blue Ray discs, right?  What a waste.  And you know something better will come out in the next couple of years to replace these Blue Ray things.

I'm obviously not big into technology.

Up until one month ago, the only cell phones I ever owned were the ones that came free with the Verizon plan.  I didn't even own a cell phone for a long time.  I bucked the trend, telling people that if I was at work, they could call me at work, and if I was at home, they could call me at home; if I wasn't in either of those places, then I was probably doing something fun and didn't want you calling me anyway.

I caved and bought a big blue brick of a phone that I only got because it made my mom feel better when I drove from Colorado home to Iowa (not that I got any service through most of Nebraska anyway . . . ).

And then after several years I upgraded to what I think they call a flip phone.  It folded in half.  Snazzy.  Way better than the brick, but still bad enough for the kids I worked with to make fun of me.

But you know what?  I could have cared less about the "coolness" of my phone.

And then I married Kevin.

Kevin bought an iPhone right before we got married.  Suddenly my free phone seemed really crappy.  He could do all sorts of fun things with his phone, and all mine could do was call or text people.  How boring is that?

So I caved.  I bought an older model of the iPhone, too.  (They were on sale super cheap after those iPhone 5's came out . . . you were thinking I bought the new kind?  I haven't totally lost my frugal mind.)

Now, of course, I am completely addicted to the thing.  I haven't slept well for a month, staying up past 10PM challenging friends in SongPop and Words With Friends.  I'm looking into 12-step programs.

My new phone also contributed to a rather embarrassing moment yesterday.  I was subbing for a teacher at the high school who has a student teacher this semester.  That meant that my job for the day was basically to sit in the back of the classroom and observe the college kid to make sure he didn't do anything stupid.  It wasn't exactly rocket science.

The morning classes were pretty exciting with freshmen debating hot topics in the election and then mock voting.  In the afternoon, the juniors had a test.  I watched 'em like a hawk for cheating, but it was pretty dull.  Most of them finished quickly and then worked quietly on an assignment, waiting for the last three kids in the room to get done with their tests.

So I got bored and snuck a quick peek at Facebook.  And then I played a move in Words With Friends.  And then I checked out the world clock to see what time it was in India, where my hubby is this week.

I pocketed my phone and walked over to the computer to check on something.  It was then that I heard a quiet but definitely audible sound, like someone's ringtone going off.

I looked around to see who the culprit was.  Phones in class are definitely a no-no.

No one was grabbing for their pockets, though.  I listened more intently . . . it sounded like a muffled MC Hammer . . . coming from my left . . . where there was nothing but a wall . . .

What the heck??  MC Hammer was playing in my pants!  I turned toward the wall and whipped out my iPhone, jabbing at buttons.

Was that President Obama's face I saw on my screen??

The ringer was off.  I'd turned it to vibrate.  I'm not that stupid.  But still MC Hammer was streaming out of it somehow.

I frantically turned the volume all the way down, continuing to jab at buttons and wondering if I had somehow gotten a virus on my new iPhone.  MC Hammer and President Obama?  Was this some sort of Election Day prank?

Quiet now, I shoved it back in my pocket.  I turned around to see how many kids had caught me, but they were all working on the assignment.

Good thing kids generally don't give a rip about the sub.

After school, I asked the student teacher if he'd heard my phone.  I explained the situation and my virus concerns.

"Are you sure you didn't hit Pandora?" he asked.

"I don't think so," I said, touching the Pandora button.

And there he was.  A "Vote Obama" ad filled my screen.

And underneath the advertisement?  Pandora was paused on MC Hammer's "Turn This Mutha Out."

Lesson learned?  Put my phone in my purse, not my pocket.  I'd heard of pocket dialing, but not pocket Pandora-ing.  Geesh.

Also?  Turning off the ringer does not completely silence the phone.  Hmmmm.

Now please excuse me while I go try to figure out how to delete the MC Hammer station from my Pandora playlist . . .